


The Moon and his Sun

by offgunnized



Category: Polca, Taynew
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27855298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgunnized/pseuds/offgunnized
Summary: May it be in front of or behind the cameras, Tay loved New, and everyone knew that. What they didn’t know, however, was that things change and feelings fade, because just when New reached the middle, he found out that there’s no more Tay waiting for him.
Relationships: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	The Moon and his Sun

**Author's Note:**

> a fic request under Silakbo: Writer For A Cause <3 thank you again for the one who requested this for trusting me with your prompt <3

_With the fans screaming and tons of cameras facing him, New thought that tonight is just going to be another usual fanmeet. He celebrated his birthday yesterday, and he wanted to spend it again this time with the people who helped him get to where he is today. It was all normal at first, the fans singing him a happy birthday and him entertaining their questions, but that was only until their screams became louder and they collectively pointed at something, or someone, behind him._

_Carrying a cake with candles lit on top was the person New never expected to see tonight. Tay Tawan strutted his way towards him, looking so dashingly handsome even just in his plain white shirt. It hugged his figure perfectly, emphasizing the ripples of muscles in his arms and his chest. What really gave away, though, was that smile New knew Tay only wore when he’s with him._

_“Surprised?” Tay whispered when he finally reached New’s side. It was more of mouthed, actually, because the fans’ screams were still echoing throughout the place, drowning their voices._

_New rolled his eyes in response but eventually smiled. “I thought you were busy?” They turned their backs from the fans for a while so they could be able to hear what the other was saying._

_“I was.”_

_“Then why are you here?”_

_“You already know why, Hin.” Tay patted him on top of his head in the gentlest way possible, earning more shouts and howls from the people behind them. “I couldn’t miss this for the world.”_

_They turned to face the fans again, their eyes being welcomed to a whole spectrum of reactions, from giggly to calm to teary-eyed. None of them had an idea that Tay would come visit New’s birthday fanmeet tonight, so just imagine the amount of surprise Tay’s presence elicited from them._

_Tay couldn’t care any less, though. Of course he loved the fans, but at this point everything’s just beyond showoff. Whether may it be in front or behind the cameras, he loved New, and he made sure to let New feel that._

_A resounding happy birthday song filled the air again, the fans collectively singing whilst screaming in between. Tay was hyping them up in the process, creating a gesture with his hand while holding the cake in the other._

_It was a cold but blissful night. Tay even fed New in front of all those people, making New feel all flushed. In Tay’s eyes were the sparkles everyone comprehended were only for New, and New alone._

_“Tastes good?” Tay asked in a low voice._

_“Yeah.”_

_“You know, it feels like my birthday too, Hin.”_

_A chuckle escaped New’s mouth. “And why is that, Te?”_

_“Because I’m here with you. And that is always a good enough gift for me.”_

“New?”

“New!”

A snap in front of his face made New shake his head, bringing him back to the present where he just drifted from. “What?”

“You okay?” Arm asked, touching his shoulder. “We’ve been looking for you.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I just needed some air.”

Tay and New just finished performing for their global fanmeet. There were minor flaws during the performances, but all in all, everything went as planned. There’s only one thing that didn’t, though, at least for New.

Moments after they bid their goodbyes, New immediately excused himself and proceeded to the rooftop where he let out that long sigh he has been keeping from the moment he and Tay performed on stage. Something has been consuming him since then, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He was singing but it felt like there was a lump in his throat. He was dancing but it felt like there were anchors strapped on his feet. It was all new to him that it suffocated him right there and then, but the good thing is, he was able to compose himself. After all, he’s an actor. He is wired to know what feelings he should or should not show.

“Why?”

“I guess I just got tired, that’s all.” He answered Arm reassuringly. New was lying, of course, and despite Arm being an empathetic person, he didn’t get to see through New’s lies.

“Oh, okay.” Arm nodded, still oblivious. “We still have to shoot for my show but it’s okay, take all the time you need. Do you want to be alone here or do you want me to call Tay?”

“No!”

“What?”

New’s immediate response slightly startled his friend, but he immediately relieved the building tension before Arm could even notice it. “I mean, I’ll go down after a while, so really, there’s no need to call Tay.”

“Right. Okay. I guess I’ll leave you here alone, then?”

New nodded in response, but before Arm could even exit through the doors, he called him again. “Wait.”

Arm stopped on his tracks. “What is it?”

The feeling has been eating New up and he just couldn’t help but let some words escape from his lips. He wanted to be sure, but not to the point that he’s going to ask it directly. “How were our performances?”

Arm gave him a smile so genuine that it somehow soothed the heaviness he felt. “You both did well, New. You always do.” New was surprised, though, that Arm followed it with a laugh.

“Why?”

“Nothing. It’s just Tay.”

“What’s with him?”

“He’s whipped. That’s what.”

Somehow, Arm’s words reassured him. That’s all he needed to hear, really. An assurance that Tay is still Tay, especially now that… that New is ready to meet him in the middle. “How can you tell?” He asked.

“Come on, New. It’s been years. You should know, right? You’re the one he’s looking at with those eyes.”

“What eyes?”

“Eyes that spoke of his truth, of his feelings, New.” Arm said with his usual calm voice and went downstairs, leaving him wondering all the more.

New faced the city again, letting the cold air bite his face like bare skin in a winter afternoon. Back then, things like this didn’t really baffle him. Of course, he knew that to properly captivate and convey emotions to the audience, they needed to start it with themselves, and they did. For years, he and Tay have built this connection that made both of them comfortable with each other, especially with the tons of projects that they were given, but more than that, they have built this friendship. He would often drive Tay to work because the latter couldn’t drive, and Tay would always spoil him with desserts. It’s the little things like those that made them grow so fond of each other, that the line separating what they are in front of the cameras and what they are behind them become so thin, one would think it doesn’t exist anymore, and truly, oftentimes, it doesn’t.

Along the way, though, things have become too real. Well, at least for Tay. Tay and New both loved each other in their own ways, but there’s just something about the former’s feelings that somehow made past the friendship threshold. It was obvious, really, how Tay’s eyes light up differently when he looks at New, how his smile becomes uniquely genuine when New is around, and how his subtle touches like hugs and kisses deliver a different kind of sparks.

And New? He bathed in that fact. Everyone may have seen and felt Tay’s sincerity to him, but that’s all there is for them. If there’s one person who really felt it all, to his bones and to his very core, it was New. He has gotten so used to it but every time they do events, he still feels it, and it has come to the point that everything just piled up in him that he wanted to give what he’s been receiving, for his own sanity and for his heart’s contentment.

Maybe that’s why it bothered New so much, how a lot of things transpired earlier in their performances, but in none of them did he see that familiar sparkle in Tay’s eyes nor did he feel that familiar warmth embrace his heart.

For the first time, New felt nothing from Tay.

He doesn’t know why he only noticed it now but something really changed in the way Tay looked at him, in the way Tay held his hand, and the way Tay locked him in an embrace. Words were spoken but they all felt so empty. Stares were thrown but they all felt so dull. And it hurt him, so much so that he cried on stage, letting others think that he’s just so immersed in the performances when in fact it’s the other way around.

Truth be told, New is scared. He’s scared because he’s already finding himself near the middle, if not already there. He is at the edge of the cliff, swinging his feet and ready to finally take that jump that took him time to muster the feelings for, but it seems like it’s all just a leap of faith. He would be jumping, but he can feel no certainty that he would be caught.

Minutes after those agonizing realizations haunted New, he decided to follow Arm. There is still this heaviness in him, but for a moment at least he somehow got to let it out. He proceeded to the dressing room where everyone was waiting for him, including Tay, who, the moment New entered the door, looked at him and nodded.

“Finally, you’re here.” Tay said.

New just smiled at him. He tried to put all sincerity in that smile in his attempt to hide his feelings, and somehow he succeeded.

Maybe… maybe Arm was right. Tay’s eyes really spoke of his truth, because at that moment, New also found it, and it was nothing like the truth that they spoke when Tay went to surprise him last year, and in little moments before and after that. It was utterly different now, and no matter how painful it is and whether New accepts it or not, it will still remain as it is—a truth.

“Where did you go?” Tay asked him when he got nearer.

Arm was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was still wrapping other things on stage, so that leaves him with Tay and only two of the other staff organizing and packing up some things.

“Rooftop. Just wanted to get some air.”

“Is everything okay, hin?” Even if they were sitting side by side, Tay faced him. He was wearing his usual worried look with those scrunched eyebrows, concerned eyes, and parted lips. As it always does, it touched New seeing him like this.

“Yes, Te.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Tay smiled at him. “Anyway, you were so great back there, Hin.”

“I wouldn’t have done it without you. You know that.”

“Well.” Tay muttered with arrogance, raising his shoulders and eyebrows in the process.

“Ass!” New laughed at him.

“Kidding!” Tay joined him in his laughter. “You know you’re the anchor that keeps me from drifting when we’re performing.”

New didn’t even notice that the two staff already left, and now here is, all alone with Tay in the dressing room. He suddenly remembered what he felt earlier, and maybe this was his chance now to clarify it with Tay.

“Uhhh, Te,”

“Yes, hin?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Tay is fully facing him now, his left leg folded in front of him and his left arm placed on the backrest of his chair. “What is it?”

The heaviness in New suddenly came back, filling the air with tension that only he could sense. It became harder to breathe as his heart beat twice as fast as it did when he came down. He knows this probably isn’t the right place to open up something like this to Tay, but everything just felt new to him that he couldn’t resist it anymore.

He let out a deep sigh, staring straight at Tay’s eyes. “Te, what if—“

“Finally!”

A shout from the door made Tay and New turn to its direction. Arm entered the room carrying excess cloths and other props New figured they used in the performances earlier.

“Can we shoot now?” Arm asked, dropping the things on a table near the mirror.

“Wait, New is still asking me something.” Tay turned to New. “What is it again?”

Arm’s sudden intrusion might have a reason, and New held on to it. “Never mind. It’s not important.” He smiled at Tay, shrugging his shoulders. “Can we start now?” New asked, facing Arm

* * *

“P’Tay! P’Tay!”

“Smile, P’New!”

People have gathered around Tay and New whilst they were shooting for a project in the mall, and now that they’re almost done, lots of fans have kept taking pictures and videos of them, and throwing them questions when they get the chance. New has always enjoyed this, shooting in a public place with Tay and making all the fans go wild with their presence. One smile here and one question there, Tay and New both enjoyed giving happiness to the fans.

In return, their hands got full of different bags of food, most of them were _yakult_ for Tay, and desserts for New. They were already on their way towards the company van, still smiling and waving to the fans who followed and waited for them. They were about to enter the van when they heard a fan shouted.

“P’Tay! Can we have a photo of you with P’New?”

Tay, being a giving person to the fans, took the things New carried and dropped them in the van, together with the things he was also holding. He hooked his arms around New, the back of his elbows touching the latter’s nape.

“Smile, Hin.” Tay gently whispered to his ears, eliciting various screams from the fans.

And he did. He did smile. Usually moments like this would render no special feelings to New, but things are different now, aren’t they? Maybe it was a good ‘different’ for Tay, but definitely an unfortunate one for him.

After a couple of minutes of smiling and posing in front of all the lights and flashes, they bid their goodbyes, bowing to the fans and thanking them for coming. They both were still all smiles when they entered the van, but New’s immediately vanished when he saw Tay’s smile got even bigger when the latter checked his phone. From his side, New could see Tay type a message, and despite the limited perspective, New could feel the latter’s excitement.

“Te.”

Tay didn’t respond. He was so focused on his phone that he didn’t hear New call his name even if they were just sitting side by side.

“Te.”

“Hey.” One of the staff sitting behind them jokingly pushed Tay, forcing him to shift his attention to the former.

“What?” He asked.

“Newwiee’s calling you.” The staff said, pointing New with her lips.

“Oh, sorry.” Tay laughed whilst facing his left. “What is it, New?”

When New met Tay’s stare, it all suddenly struck him. He has seen this coming ever since their fanmeet happened, but God, seeing it up close just made everything more painful. It is as if his worst fears have been realized and the change in Tay has just become undeniable now. There was this sparkle in his eyes that seemed thoroughly unknown to New. Tay’s smile gives off this different energy, as if Tay has just found something he’s been looking for for a long time. And his name… the way it escaped Tay’s lips. It sounded so empty.

It was a struggle for New, holding back his tears like that. He didn’t want to let Tay know about this, more so here, in the van, where there are other people who can see him.

“I just wanted to ask you if you can pass that dessert on your side. I’m hungry.”

“Right. Of course!”

Tay turned to his other side which gave New the chance to blink away the tears that were slowly forming in his eyes. “Thanks!” He told Tay when the latter gave him a bag of desserts a fan gave him earlier.

Throughout the ride, New was just silent, and strangely but not surprisingly, Tay was too, his focus being back to his phone. He immediately excused himself when they arrived at the building, taking the elevator and proceeding to the rooftop, where he finally let out the tears he’s been keeping for 30 minutes in that godforsaken car ride.

_To: Gun Atthaphan_

_Heard you’re in the building._

_From: Gun Atthaphan_

_New! Yes, just checking some things about a project. Why?_

_To: Gun Atthaphan_

_Can we talk? I’m at the rooftop._

_From: Gun Atthaphan_

_Sure. Let me finish this and I’ll come right up._

New put his phone back in his pocket and leaned his elbows on the barricade wall. It has been months since their fanmeet ended, yet it never left his mind how he felt after it. That day, he never really got to talk to Tay about it. They actually had plenty of time after that but New was too scared to find the answer to his question. To be honest, he didn’t even know what his exact question was. All he knew was the emptiness and how it has ironically filled him since then, and it just overflowed when he stepped inside the van earlier.

He heard a door open, followed by the sound of strides towards him. “New?”

“Gun.”

“What do you want to talk about? And you really chose to talk about it here?” Gun laughed, standing beside him.

“It’s about Tay.” New answered directly. Really, there’s no point of taking turns and playing riddles when it’s with a friend he trusts the most. Besides, he wanted to get this off his chest for quite some time now.

“What about him?”

“I think I love him.”

“You think?” Gun asked with a mocking tone. “God, New of course you love him.”

“No, I mean… like, love, love him.”

“Wait.” Gun shook his head and faced New. “What, like faen kind of love?”

“I guess?”

“Then that’s great, New!” Gun said ecstatically. He even jumped and shook New’s shoulders. “Did you tell him about this?”

“That’s the point Gun, I can’t.”

Gun stopped jumping. “Why not?” He asked with a voice calmer than he used just a few seconds ago.

“It wouldn’t matter because I may have jumped in the same page where he was in, but I don’t think he’s still there. I think he already moved to the next one.”

“How can you say that?”

“I’ve seen it.”

“You’ve seen it? Were we even looking at the same Tay when you performed for that fanmeet months ago? Because I clearly remember him looking at you with those whipped eyes.”

New massaged his temple. He knew it. It would really sound unbelievable to them because that’s how good Tay as an actor is. He could deceive anybody, but with the exception of New of course.

How can he not be certain that Tay has changed when he already felt it right there and then? Eyes never lie. It only seems like they do when others were not the subject. But New? He has spent years receiving first hand stares from Tay for him to distinguish what’s real and what’s not.

“Up to you if you believe me or not, Gun. All I’m saying is that’s what I felt.”

“Oh come on New,” Gun touched his shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that what I see is different. But hey, if it really bothers you so much, then talk to him.”

“I wish it was that easy.”

“I’m not saying it is. The most important answers can entail the heaviest questions, New, and it looks like you’re in dire need of one.”

* * *

It was a tiring flight to Chiang Mai. New just finished shooting for a project and he didn’t get enough sleep the other night, so when they settled in their room when they arrived at the events place, he immediately laid down and fell asleep. It was only after two hours when a staff knocked on the door to call him for dinner that he was awakened, feeling a bit less tired compared to what he felt earlier.

The Chiang Mai trip was a schedule he shared with Tay. They were given a lot of agenda to fulfill in the trip, making New so unsure if being with Tay for that long and for consecutive hours, was a blessing or a curse for him, considering the fact that he’s already trying to forget the feelings his stupid heart is trying to foster. But he didn’t have a choice, did he? Not when Tay has been his partner since, well, forever. In the eyes of everybody, they will always come as a package, and despite the hidden feelings, New had to live with that.

New fixed himself first before going out. Wearing his usual casual clothes, he walked his way to the lobby and found the staff already gathered, waiting for the car that would take them to wherever restaurant they booked tonight.

Upon looking around, though, New noticed there was one person missing. “Where’s Te?” He asked.

“He was just here a while ago.” One of the staff members answered.

New took his phone out and was about to call Tay when he suddenly caught a glimpse of the moon outside. It was shining brighter than usual tonight, lighting the night sky with its perfect circle of grey. The moon was the only clue New needed. Right there and then, he immediately knew where Tay was.

“I think I know where he is.” New told the staff and left.

He looked for a spot outside that could be perfect for someone who wanted to watch the moon. It only took him minutes before he saw a familiar figure standing in an open area, taking a picture of the moon with his phone. Tay’s back was facing him, so he was pretty oblivious of New’s presence at first. 

“I knew I’d find you here.” New said, making Tay turn around.

“Hin.” Tay gave him a smile. “You know me too well, huh.”

“Of course.” New walked closer to him until they were finally standing side by side.

“Couldn’t help it. The moon is just too beautiful tonight.”

“It is, isn’t it?” New smiled at the moon. They were silent for a while, but when New realized that the clock was ticking and there were people waiting for them, he talked again. “Anyways, the staff are waiting. We’ll eat our dinner outside.” New’s phone suddenly rang. He took it out and saw the name of one of their managers on the screen. “Speaking of.”

New was about to answer it but Tay was fast to take his phone away from him, and answered the call instead. “Hello?... Yes, I’m with him… You can go first… No, really… Hahaha… Shut up… We’ll just ride a separate cab… Fine… Okay, bye.” Tay took New’s hand and placed the latter’s phone in it. “There, problem solved.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Wouldn’t hurt us if we adore the moon for a few more minutes, right, Hin?” A grin escaped Tay’s lips. He settled himself on the grass, making New follow and sit beside him.

“You and your whimsy.”

Tay responded with a laugh, but after a few minutes, there was silence again. New suddenly remembered his conversation with Gun few weeks ago. At first, he just shrugged it off, thinking that confronting with Tay was a stupid idea and would only make things worse for him, but now that he got to think about it, it suddenly became the best idea, especially now that it’s only him and Tay, sitting on the grass, under the night skies, watching the moon together.

There honestly couldn’t be a better moment than this. Tay has always been open to New with his feelings before, and New guessed that maybe it is his turn now.

“Te…”

“Hin…”

They both laughed. It’s funny how they always do things in sync, even in moments like this.

“You first.”

“You first.”

Another simultaneous movement and a round of laughter echoed again.

“No, Hin, seriously, you first.”

“How about we play rock, paper, scissors?”

The child in Tay was awakened. “Alright, you called for it.”

They put their fists in front of them, laughing whilst shaking them in an attempt for a tiebreaker. In the end, New ended up with his hand opened and Tay with his hand closed. “Awww.” Tay groaned.

“Spill it, Te.”

“Okay.” Tay folded his knees and brought them closer to his chest, placing his forearms on top of them in the process. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something for quite some time now, Hin.”

“What is it?”

Tay heaved up a deep sigh. “You know you’ll always be my moon, right? And that I’ll always be your sun?” He slowly faced New, who, at this point, is already staring at him with those curious and sad eyes. “But Hin, I think I’ve already made peace with the fact that that’s just how we’ll always be.”

“What do you mean?”

“We both complement each other, but we can never really be together in the same skies.” Tay brought his stare back to the moon which is now slightly being hidden by the dark clouds. “For years, I have loved you. I really did, and I made sure to make you feel that. Well, at least I hope I did. Because now, I don’t think I’m capable of loving you in that way anymore.”

When New tried to hold his tears back, back when they were riding in that van when they finished that one project in the mall, he never thought that he’d be put in the same situation again, more so in a much, much more painful one. “I see.” That was all he could say.

“I’m sorry, Hin.”

“Dumbass, there’s completely no need to be sorry.” New tried to mask the pain by putting a certain liveliness in his voice. “Taking things too real with your onscreen partner could prompt far more complications than just simply leaving it platonic.”

“In retrospect, I would have disagreed with you. But you’re right, we’ve known a lot of people who took the risk yet everything still didn’t really end well for them.”

“That’s another factor, yes.”

“And besides, it’s not like you really loved me back that way, right, Hin?”

Tay turned his head to face New. The latter thinks it’s a bad idea to not agree with Tay, but fuck it. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish. “Actually—”

Tay didn’t get to hear New because his phone suddenly rang. The former’s eyes lit up when he saw the caller, and it was the same glimmer New saw when they were in the van back then. “Hey!... Yeah… Uh, can I call you back?... Yes sorry I’m in the middle of a conversation… Right… Don’t forget to eat your dinner, too… Okay bye.” Tay dropped the call and put his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry for that.”

“You met someone, didn’t you?” The words slipped out of New’s mouth like poison.

“Yes, that’s the other thing that I wanted to tell you.”

“So, who’s the lucky person?”

Tay gently touched New on his shoulder. “Next time, Hin. I want to properly introduce her to you.”

In return, New settled his palm on Tay’s knee. He needed to hold on to something, otherwise he’d burst and say things he couldn’t take back. “I’m so happy for you, Te.”

That was a lie, of course—a painful and a fucking irritating lie.

“Thank you, Hin. I’m happy for myself too.” Tay let go of New’s shoulder. “How about you? What were you going to tell me?”

After everything that has been said, New thinks that his side of the coin is rendered moot now. As much as he wanted to be honest to Tay with his feelings, and beg him to choose him, he’d rather just keep them all to himself instead. New wanted to be selfish, but not to the point that he’d make Tay go back to square one again when the latter’s obviously and genuinely in a happy place in his life now. “Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I need to borrow a shirt tonight.”

“God, Hin. Don’t tell me you underpacked again?”

“Okay, I won’t tell you then.”

Tay laughed. “Fine. I’ll bring you one later.” Tay took a glimpse of his wristwatch. “Shit! It’s been almost an hour?”

“Oh God, P’Yui will kill us.”

“That’s the understatement for tonight.” Tay immediately stood up and rubbed the grass off from his pants. He extended his hand to New, helping the latter get up.

They started walking back to the lobby. It was a good thing that he was walking a few steps ahead of New, because that way he didn’t get to see the tears that escaped New’s eyes.

In the end, Tay and New still loved each other, but only in their own, unique ways. It was hard for New but he knew that he needed to accept that. They may never have been on the same page, but at least they were always on the same book, just as the sun and the moon can never be on the same skies, but they’re always there to give and receive light.

“Hin! Our car is here.” Tay screamed when he noticed New was already meters behind him.

New smiled at Tay. “Coming!” He shouted back.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! <3


End file.
